Two bands and a Sister

My little sister is coming to visit today from Key West. She'll be here a week and I'm hoping we'll get to tear things up a bit. It'll be nice to have her around for the 4th of July. Also, Matthew got an enormous television, so I get his old tv, which is still bigger than mine. AND his old DVD player. I'll finally be able to read the credits when I watch movies!

Also: here are two bands I've been listening to lately that I like.

Little Boots
Little Boots on Discodust
Air France
Air France on Discobelle

Air France rocks a nice Island feel. Figures they're Swedes...

Happy short week and 4th of July--enjoy the weather...

My Good Morning

When I got to work I saw this email:


That's a nice way to start the day.

The Life and Times of an Anxiety Disorder

Most people who have ever met me can, with reasonable assertiveness, comment on my anxiety problem. Well, it has gotten unbearably bad again, so I had to make an appointment with my handy psychiatrist. After sobbing to him about my emotional state and telling him some terrible things about myself, he suggested I try to go back on psych meds (I've been off them for about six or seven months). I was relieved--I am so exhausted from trying to keep my life together.

He gave me Cymbalta--which, funnily enough, can be used for depression, generalized anxiety disorder and diabetic nerve pain. Whatever. Will it make me not crazy? Okay, I'll take it.


I started taking it and it made me feel like a space cadet. My pupils are dilated to the size of M&Ms, I had severe nausea the first day and I generally walk around feeling like my body is made of rubber (or Gumby leftovers). It's not so bad, but the anxiety is still a huge problem (Cymbalta takes two to four weeks to work). I've had a tiring month. I still can't seem to sleep. I take sleeping pills (OTC) and wear earplugs in bed--but I still can't seem to relax.

It doesn't help that I am still not over getting strep throat. I'm hacking up green slime and sound like I'm talking through a tin can. But! BUT! I have lost weight! Being sick plus not drinking alcohol plus being on nausea-inducing meds make for a skinny Lexie! My little belly is on its way out (sorry Matthew).

Seriously: having your family and your boyfriend basically boycott you on account of your neurotic behavior and poor self-image is way worse than nausea and insomnia. I'm working things out. Slowly.

Last night I worked the door at Philadelphyinz's Block Party. I had a good two full days of anxiety and panick attacks over it, but it actually went okay. The douchebags that came to the event weren't any douchebags I know, so it was alright. Although some dumb blonde with split ends and an attitude got saucy with me. Eh, who cares--the bouncers had my back. And her Herve Leger knock-off dress showed her visible underwear lines.

PAPOW!

Un-American Apparel

I was sick last week and missed a couple days of work. By Saturday I was feeling slightly better and Matthew and I went out and wandered. We ate lunch at The Pope and then headed into town.

I was still feeling sick (mostly pained) and not in the best frame of mind. I wore short shorts--which I immediately regretted due to my unreasonable phobia of showing my thighs. Matthew might love my legs, but I still can't get behind them (there's a joke in there, I know it). We went to the usual spots like Ubiq (Matthew bought two new pairs of Nikes) and then American Apparel. We now have several more matching deep Vs (and to think I had to coerce him into wearing them). It's not really fair for me to borrow his shirts because my boobs stretch out the fronts, so we each end up getting the same shirt. It's just so unfair that he has more money and more shirts than I do! He asked if it was weird that he was getting some more shirts to match mine, but I absolutely love it. I'm so lucky to have a guy that plans on coordinating with my outfits.

I was pretty upset at the shop, though. Usually I feel fat and ugly and awkward when I'm there, but it doesn't get to me down too much. Last Saturday was worse than usual. There was a slightly post-pubescent girl working in a string bikini and hot shorts. That's all. She was basically naked. I know that American Apparel's whole image is based on vintage porn re-enacted photo shoots and hyper-sexuality, but this was so wrong.

This is pretty much how the store is.

Clearly I felt ugly and fat compared to this girl, but that wasn't really what bothered me (I would have felt ugly and fat if she had been wearing a sweatsuit). What bothered me was that it was just plain indecorous. I felt weird being there with my boyfriend, I felt weird standing at the cash register (where does one look) and I felt weird looking at clothes. It just made me feel weird and uncomfortable.

Total buzz kill.

I got a new yellow t-shirt and left. Matthew and I then went to McGlinchey's for awhile to watch the Phils and have a couple drinks.

I still had a sour taste in my mouth from shopping though. I need to, as my psychiatrist says, "get used to the idea of disappointing people" and "stop having anxiety over what people think" and I "can't be everything to all people". This, apparently, includes the people who work at American Apparel.

Hmph.

Mondays Sometimes Fundays

Last Monday (before I got sick), June 16th, 2008:

My Monday was actually pretty fun! I had to get up early and drive with my Dad to the airport to drop him off, then I got to work pretty early, got an awesome parking spot (I was even able to park the enormous car I was driving), did my work, took my turntables home from the office, got a good spot at my house, grabbed my growler, picked up Matthew and drove to the Dock Street brewery--where I got another good spot.

Matthew stayed home Monday because he was feeling peekid, which meant that I could actually see him on a Monday afternoon. We had never been to Dock Street (we hate going to West Philly) and I knew we could get growlers filled there, so I decided to take him on an expedition.

OH! Did I mention that I got a raise? Well, I did, so I wanted to celebrate a bit. We got fries and a beer, then we filled up the growler and headed back to South Philly. We went to the liquor store and then to Best Buy and then back to Matthew's to finish The Prisoner.

I got great spots all day! I didn't even get nervous driving the car, which is a Dodge Magnum and similar to a hearse. We went to Matty's, drank a few more beers and he made me dinner.

I also found out that I'm going to be getting paid vacation days (unheard of in my sphere of existence) and my health insurance will start in July. I was pretty relieved to know that I'll actually be able to go the dentist soon (and maybe get my tonsils out).

As a treat:


This is the Mano Cornuto "evil eye" pendant I found at my Mom Mom's house. Weird and creepy.

I'm alone.

I can deal with people being angry with me. Usually, when someone is angry with me I feel a sense of responsibility or duty, not because I've done something wrong, but to the other's person's happiness and the loss of his/her approval of me.

But not today.

Having people angry with me because I hurt them is hard to deal with. Especially when I don't know what I've done or how I could have avoided it.

Everyone I care about is mad at me--or so it feels.

I'm a fuck up. And I'm alone with myself, which is the worst punishment I can think of.

Passive Aggressive Emails

I stumbled upon a site (not using StumbleUpon, but actually "stumbling" upon) called Passive Aggressive Notes.

It's an hilarious site dedicated to passive aggressive missives. Many of the notes are from roommate to roommate, parents to children and co-worker to co-worker.

As a child of passive aggression, I find this site to be hilarious. Especially the passive aggressive Facebook updates and the excessive misuse of clip art.

Again.

I got tonsillitis again. That makes it four times in '08.

Please forgive my absence from events and the blog scene.

Yours untruly,
Alexis

I made this! Crazy lolcat.

moar funny pictures